Dear Twisha,

Happy Birthday. Before I begin, I just want you to know that even though I haven’t met you and you haven’t seen me (except in photos or webcam); make no mistake understanding the fact that I love you. Now, you’d of course be reading this when you are about 5-6 (maybe earlier) but whenever you understand this letter, do not waste time questioning this love.

This love is the one which ties the family together and is there unconditionally at the start, for you, like all other children in the family, are considered as “our creation” and like an artist loves his painting even though he made a wrong stroke, and like a writer preserves his words even though he may be wrong, like you have preserved some of your toys even though they might not work, we too love you for we consider you as a life we are all responsible to shape.

I write this letter to you now, lest I forget what I felt about you after your 1^st birthday. I will preach things to you in this letter, things I consider are something you should know. I understand that I may not be old enough to give you advice on life but considering you are not old enough to understand it, let us call it a tie

No one in this world is perfect, and no one will ever be. But do not let knowledge of this fact deter you from pushing yourself towards perfection.

The final destination of your path, whichever path you choose, would be something the world would always remember you for, but only you would remember the journey.

Listen to what everyone has to say, but take your own decisions.

Your parents love you more than they show. I know you won’t remember how excited your mom first was when she saw you walk or when you first started speaking, how scared she was when you first fell down on the floor or were about to fall off from the bed and how happy she was when she first held you in her arms. Even though you don’t remember her reactions during these moments, understand that they happened and always remember her care.

We, like all families are not a homogenous group. Each member has a different quality, a different quirk which sets him or her apart. They all have different ideas and different opinions. Try and imbibe the best from each and overlook their flaws.

Respect everyone’s opinion in the world, even if you do not agree with them.

Remember that everyone in this world is liberal and is free, but only to the extent that it doesn’t restrict someone else’s freedom or liberty.

You may not understand why mommy seems to dress you up to look pretty and worry about your results in the test, even if they might be based on building blocks, but know that she just wants to see you succeed in everything you do and is trying her best to prepare you for it.

It looks like I have focused solely on mommy so far but she is the one you must be seeing the most of. I know you won’t remember how excited you got when you see your dad return back home , how safe you felt when you slept between them for the first time, how scared you were when dad first lifted you up towards the sky but you knew you were always safe in his hands and smile came on your little face.

I know you won’t remember from where did you like the feeling of breeze in your hair, but I tell you now and keep this a secret, it came from those times when your dad made you jump in the air and caught you during the fall. He let you fly free in the sky but always was there to make sure you don’t hurt yourself when you break the fall. He will always be there to catch you… just in time.

Don’t take anyone’s love for granted though. I made the mistake once and I know you would too. But learn to love people as you like to be loved. They may not reciprocate as you expect but remember they are also trying to love you as they like to be loved.

You may not understand why the cake was cut, why the balloons were filled and the candles blown, yet you loved the colors and the beauty of it all. Life has a similar meaning.

I am not writing about the troubles of growing up just now, just in case I am short on material next year. But, remember that you are the most precious thing to your parents.

I know you’d forget but you used to laugh for no reason when you were little and cry too. Your parents laughed with you but did everything they could to stop you cry.

Next year, you’d be running and not just on the floor but towards yourself. Do like what you find or find what you like.

I may not be a significant factor in shaping your life, but always remember that my best wishes and love is always with you and will continue to be with you, long after I am gone…

to the bathroom, you daughter of an emotional queen!

See you next year and get fat!

Your “Uski baat mat sun” Mama,

Kritesh

It is 19:19 on the clock on 19^th of August 2011 and this is my last day as a 19 year old

Okay, that sounded so much cooler in my head. Anyways, so this is it, the final destination of my journey as a teenager. Being the period that defined me and changed me (so many times!), I just couldn’t let this one go without a post.

Before I plunge myself into nostalgia, let me reiterate a conversation I had with my sister Priyanka when I was… 11 or 12, not sure. It went something like this –

PHM – Manu, happy birthday! Now you’ll be turning a teenager.

Me – Thanks, but whats the big deal about it?

PHM – You’ll start fighting with parents, your voice will change, you’ll rebel against things…

Me – Why would I fight with my parents?

PHM – For some reason or the other.

Me – I am pretty sure I won’t.

PHM – You’ll see.

Me – You have no idea what you’re talking about.

PHM – You’ll see.

I remember this conversation distinctly as I really couldn’t imagine a scenario where I would go against the wishes of my parents and boy was I wrong.

Teenage brought some amazing experiences and lots of learning. From weird hairstyles to study routines to staying up all nights and searching for some random stuff, it was truly a time where I enjoyed thoroughly.

I met people from all walks of life, thanks to Ragnarok, among many other games, which also gave me a chance to learn lessons which would have been difficult to emulate in real life. I made friends which live in various parts of the nation, learnt about their lives and their experiences. This game or more specifically this game’s community was a significant part of my teenage and I really thank them all for making it a brilliant experience.

To this date, I am friends with most of the people I played with and well, they’re just great guys. Taking names would mean that I would miss someone out so, if you are reading this and you know me, then you know it is you that I speak about.

School, however was a mixed bag. But, let bygones be bygones and well, there isn’t anything I can do about what has already happened but to take the best out of it so, school did provide me a platform to learn and develop. They say school friends are the closest because you have the best memories with them. That’s true.

From sharing those samosas to not doing homework to standing outside class for not bringing the drawing notebook, some of the funniest moments I have spent with my schoolmates. So, thank you guys! Again, I mean each and every one of you. Whether the moments spend with you were good or bad, it doesn’t matter, because they certainly were memorable!

Now comes the best part – the music and clothes. Ah! Black t-shirt with some band’s print on it and blue jeans were my staple dress during most of my teenage. Music – I’d thank Pink Floyd, Beatles, Swanand Kirkire, Indian Ocean, random sad Bollywood songs, Linkin Park, Eminem and some other stuff which I cannot remember, but I am sure was important at that time.

“Hello. Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.

All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.

With a little help from my friends.

The girl with kaleidoscope eyes….

Ooooh maa! Ooooh paa! Must the show go on?

There’s a lady who’s sure, all that glitters is gold…

Baanwara mann dekhne… chala ek sapna.

Arrey ruk ja re bandeh, ke kudrat has padegi, ho…

…nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me…

Aye udi udi udi. Aye khwabon ki buri

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy…

Hazaaron khwahishein aisi ke har khwahish pe dum nikle

Mere mehboob qayamat hogi, aaj ruswa tere galiyon mein mohbaat hogi…

Chal chaein apne ghar aye mere gumsafar…”

(I can’t remember the rest)

Where would I be without these lyrics and their music which accompanied me through all the ups and downs of this exciting journey? And where would I be without the weird phone conferences which lasted for hours without any discussion topic? Thanks to all friends who were a part of that. They were just so much fun!

Wait… this is sounding like a Filmfare speech for Best Debut Actor. Anyways, I’d like to thank the Academy, uhh… I mean, I’d like to thank all those who are responsible for making Idea, Airtel, Reliance and most recently Tata Docomo rich because of the talktime I spent on you all.

Be it calling up at the middle of the night just to say “Dude… I forgot to say good night” or asking each other’s opinion on a little insignificant thing or talking for hours and then say “Padhne ka time nahin milta yaar”, mobiles made it all possible.

Thanks to all the teachers for teaching me so well and being there whenever I needed you. Also, thanks to CA profession and everyone associated in it for letting me start out at a (relatively) early age. It is fun to be amongst you all.

Thanks to all the puppy loves, the first sight crushes, epic relationships and the people who were a party to that. Those romantic songs would have been meaningless without someone to picture it with. Without you all, teenage would lose half its charm Thanks to the naive dreams like – “I’ll marry as soon as I turn 21” and “I’ll keep changing cities every 2 months” and “yaar apan milte rehenge… bye kyun keh raha hai”. It’s a little sad to watch these dreams go. They were fun though and made me learn some important lessons. I still remember how happy I was at my last or was it the year before last’s birthday? I don’t know. So, I was happy about being just 1 or 2 years away from 21! Legal marriageable age! Woohoo! Ha! Ha! Those were both the fun days and the funny days.

Thanks to social networks, first Orkut and then Facebook which made networking possible and ensured that I met new friends and stayed in touch with old ones. Thanks to internet for being there for… well… everything.

So to sum it all, teenage was fun. It was full of memorable experiences and unforgettable lessons. It was full of soulful relationships and sincere friendships, fiery enthusiasm and rookie mistakes, pehla pehla pyaar and emotional attyachaar, mobile phone pe baatein aur woh lambi lambi raatein, profound movies and impactful novels, thodi bahut padhai aur zabardasti ki ladai, teacher se daant khaana but fir unka acche se samjhana, everything was simply… necessary for me. If I hadn’t done all the things I did, I would have felt that I missed out! But thanks to you all, I pretty much did everything I thought was supposed to be done in teenage.

Thanks to my parents, family and friends for tolerating me during the teenage and for making it all possible.

If I’ve forgotten anything or anyone, I am sorry. This is a – publish as soon as you finish post and… I am bound to skip some stuff.

So, this is my last day as a nine-TEEN year old on 19^th and I begin as a twenty year old on 20^th. (I think I did it again ).

The next decade would pretty much shape my future as I step up to face the challenges of the world both professional and personal and everything in between   and I swear on my computer, I’ll prepare hard for it!

Edit – When I read it again – why am I saying thanks so much? Gee. All I did was survive for 20 years. Anyways, I guess, I am just grateful to everyone who has been a part of my life for the past decade, especially the teenage part, hence the repetitive “Thank Yous”

I used to be a pretty ungrateful boy. Although I appreciated the acts of others, I never used to express my gratitude in words. I thought saying “Thank you” was pointless and the best way to thank someone would be through my actions.

It appears to be a noble thought, but it is not because of a simple reason – life is… unpredictable. What brought about this change? How did this epiphany dawn on me? There’s a story behind it.

A few months back, maybe quite a few, I do not remember, a school teacher of mine who taught English, Mr. B. B. Singh passed away. I hadn’t studied much from him except summer classes one year, but he was an influence during my school life. Everyone in my school knew him and respected him. Truth is that after the summer classes, which I took when I was in 8th, I think, I resolved to myself that I’d study English from him one day.

But, the pressure of board exams and school routine didn’t make it possible. Then, I decided to do CA. Now, explaining that decision would take a post on its own, but let’s just skip to the crux right now – I joined Om Classes for CPT. There, I met Mr. Anshuman Singh, who is the son of Mr. B. B. Singh and taught Economics.

I used to be a lazy student and getting up to go to CPT classes was something I avoided. Thus, I skipped many classes. But one class I always tried to go to was of Anshuman Sir’s and not because I was weak in Economics, it was because he taught us not only how economics applies in the world but also taught us things which were important to us as individuals, not just as Chartered Accountants.

For instance, it is through him that I rediscovered Orwell (I had read Animal Farm before, or was it 1984? Again my memory falters me) and I read almost all works of Orwell before coming to classes. I used to debate with him about socialism and other government forms. He shared his experiences with socialism telling us how he believed in it when he was in college.

Even then, I knew I have to learn more from Anshuman Sir and English from B. B. Singh sir. But CPT went away and then came the pressure of clearing IPCC and I think I had given the exams and waiting for the result, not sure though and it was during this period when I heard about Mr. B. B. Singh sir’s demise.

I still remember I had just woken up and was about to brush my teeth when mom told me about it. Now, even though I wasn’t close to Mr. B. B. Singh, I was shattered. My… wish of learning from him was now lost forever. I had the wish for almost seven years, but due to some reason or the other, it remained a wish. I attended his funeral, the first funeral I ever attended and was too sad to talk about it. I saw Anshuman sir there, but I never said anything. I thought, I’ll write all this down one day and post it on my blog. But that day didn’t come either, until now.

Why do I write all this now?

Is it because I lost the chance to learn or is it because I lost the chance to express my gratitude? Express how truly thankful I was for all the things they taught me.

So, this is what I want to do today. I want to thank not only B. B. Singh sir and Anshuman Sir but all the other teachers who have helped me find my way.

One “Sir” stands out though, one “Sir” who has always been there in all of my achievements and all of my defeats, one “Sir” whose name will always be a part of mine. That “Sir” is my dad – Rakesh Madan.

“Sir ka beta” – Countless number of times has this phrase been used to refer to me. See the problem with being from a lofty lineage is that you are or will inevitably be compared to you predecessors. So, as a student even my little mistake used to be blown out of proportion. But, I got to learn a lot from it. I was cautious and learnt to cover my tracks pretty well. This was of course in junior years in school, where the mistakes ranged from drinking too much water to breaking your neighbor’s pencil, from talking during class to not completing the homework.

But as I grew up, I saw the range of mistakes I could make expand. They now included getting low marks, indiscipline, not being focused, etc. which are problems which every student might face but… they were compounded when it comes to me.

This was all up to the point I decided to do CA. The range of mistakes I could make after this point exploded. I knew this before I was getting into it, so it wasn’t a surprise. I would be compared to him, each action of mine would have repercussions and of course, the “Sir ka Beta” syndrome would now surround me everywhere I go.

But like any other situation, everything has its Pros and Cons. I’ve just highlight the cons so far. Let’s talk a bit about the pros –

Oooh! I get to learn a lot. My dad is the most rational man I know in Jabalpur and this means, I can discuss anything with him. From atheism to capital punishment to democracy to economic equilibrium to tax laws to politics to CA exams to classes to fashion to computers to internet to anonymity, I have discussed many topics with my dad. Every time I get to learn something new or some crazy idea pops up in my head, within a day or two I discuss it with my dad.

You may be wondering what is so special about this. I mean, most children do discuss things with their dad, but what’s so special about my discussion?

It’s the rationality. See, most of the times, I am certain Dad is going to have a different point of view over a thing, but what he does is that he listens to my point without any prejudice and I do the same. This results in all the points getting heard. Plus, since he is a teacher, he has a thorough understanding of students which coupled with the fact that he knows me in and out becomes a priceless asset when it comes to discussing things.

The other thing is… expectations. Everyone expects me to score brilliantly and excel in everything, but that is usually far from what I expect from myself. Although these expectations act as a challenge and thus motivate me to work harder, they sometimes act as a deterrent and I get the infamous cold feet right before the moment. It is during these moments when I get cold feet; Dad gives me the required push.

Instance – CPT exam.

The first part of the exam was over and there was a 30 minute break. During the break this was my conversation with Dad.

Me – “Dad lets go home. CA isn’t for me. Accounts and Law went fine, but I won’t do well in Maths and Economics.”

Dad – “Don’t talk like this. Just give it! You already know Economics well. Even if you don’t get good marks in Maths, you’ll pass easily.”

Me – “What if I don’t? What if I fail? I don’t want that. CA isn’t for me.”

Dad – “If you fail, how is that different from quitting now? You’d still fail.”

Me – “Fine”

Thankfully, I gave the paper and I passed. This habit of chickening out at the last moment, these cold feet, is something I’m combating since Class 10th or 11th.

Instance – IPCC exam.

I was telling Dad how I should not give second group considering that I haven’t taken any proper coaching for Advanced Accountancy and my Auditing is weak and I haven’t even touched Strategic Management yet.

He somehow convinced me to appear in the second group and not only I passed both the groups but the highest I got in any subject was Advanced Accountancy.

The same thing happened in Mathematics exam of Class 12, the quiz competition last year and the most recent Indore conference (which I still have to write about). Dad has always been there to give me the push when I needed it the most, without which I would have been backing out.

But the biggest contribution Dad did to my life was providing me with everything! I really cannot stress on this enough. I still remember the time in Class 9th when I was angry at him for not buying me a bike since most of my classmates had one but it was only when I turned 18 I understood why exactly didn’t he buy me one. It would have been a mistake. Thank god he didn’t give in to my childish demands then.

He gave me my first computer at the exact age I needed it the most. I have never have had to squabble over a cell phone or new headphones or whatever. He’s always given me the freedom and I have never really said thanks to him for it. So, I guess this is when I say it, Thank you Dad!

Life is… unpredictable. We started with this. Just because I have the luxuries which my Dad provides me with, does not mean that he had it too. He had to struggle through most of his life and this struggle has made him the man he is today. I can relate to some parts of the struggle, but some are just alien for it was a different time, it was a different India back then. It’s just luck that I have the luxuries and he didn’t.

One thing which he always teaches me and it is quite ironic that that one thing is where I lack the most. He tells me to always keep moving forward. No matter how bad the experience, no matter how good the experience, just learn something from it and go on.

This used to be a shock to me. I always get held up on experiences. If I lose something, I’ll waste two days mourning over it. I have yet to learn the skill of always moving on – learn and move on.

He also had to fit in his father’s shoes, as my grandfather was a Chartered Accountant too (and a great one at that) and so he can relate to the pressure I feel.

But I know where I lack, where I falter; the only thing what I do not do is try and overcome them. This, this post, is my attempt at that – accepting, learning and moving on.

When I joined the office, I never got special treatment and I worked hard, the first 3-4 months at least. But, then after that, the fire of working dimmed because of the fact that my peers had this “Yeh to Sir ka beta hai. Isko koi kya kahega?” outlook. This made me angry, for no matter how hard I worked, everything was sidetracked and the peers focused on the sole issue that because I am “Sir ka Beta”, nothing can happen to me.

So, even if I stayed up till 2-3 AM in the office, everything would be sidetracked because I came to office thirty minutes late at 11:30 AM. I’d get to hear “Tum to kabhi bhi aao, usmein kya hai” This irrationality towards judging my performance was something I just couldn’t accept and couple this with the introspection I had been doing and some other events made me almost quit CA. I lagged up on the office work and then took a leave.

Then the Indore conference came and it catalyzed this whole change in me. I, now, have made peace with the fact that some people will always correlate my performance with me being a Chartered Accountant’s son. The truth may be far from that, but of course, it would be pointless trying to argue and explain my position to them. For, they go by the stereotypes they have created in their mind; hence, their aggression is not personal. It just is… random.

Now, I can either sulk in my room and quit CA eventually or I can go out there tomorrow, do the best I can and make a name for myself. No matter what I choose, the aggression won’t stop. Thus, it is better to go for the latter and have fun.

Tomorrow is my last day as a teenager and then I enter my third decade of existence, something which would, in all probability, shape the rest of my life. So, before I step into my 20s, I want to thank my Dad (and my mom too, but hey, you deserve a post of your own) for everything he has done for me for the last 20 years

From buying me toys to buying me… bigger toys , from his benign lessons to being there as a role model, thank you Dad, I wouldn’t have been anything without you.

So, from now on, I won’t keep my gratitude inside. If I like something, I’ll say it. If I want to thank you for something, I’ll say it for I don’t want to miss up on the opportunity. After all, who knows what the future has in store for us?

So the best possible course of action is of Carpe Diem – Seize the day. Do the best you can with what you have ^_^

So, you think articleship is easy for me because I am “Sir ka Beta” – Go ahead, think that. I shouldn’t waste time to argue or explain it to you why it isn’t. I should use that time to learn from him, for it is a great opportunity to imbibe those characteristics from him which have made him successful in all aspects of his life, it is a time to watch him interact and tackle various situations in professional life and there is no reason why I should give up on such a valuable learning experience.

I am going to learn and there is nothing that can stop me from it. Carpe Diem!

Dear Diary,

So, you’re back.

All the months of consoling myself, telling “It’s okay!” just evaporates before a call.

In the dreams of the past, I was the hero.

Life is so funny sometimes, full of irony.

Now, you tell me I play the villian in the eyes of people who don’t know me.

I smile and accept.

People so conveniently erase their bad memories. But, life presents me a box of these memories to carry around for my remaining years and I accept. Why?

What am I writing? Is this prose or poem?

Why am I writing it?

I hit my fist in the wall and curl into a fetal position.

I stand numb as I watch mymost precious emotions being sold off by my mind.

Love. Life. Happiness. Dreams. All are rarely the same.

Go to sleep now or go out and smile.

Go and work now andmake people proud.

Go and die now and get rid of all nonsense.

Go and live and…

Go and live and see what comes next down the road.

Yeah, I’m gonna do that.

But, Ha! Ha! Ha! Life. You played a cruel game.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Two rings and I pick up. Why?

Heart, stop yourself. Yes, do your work of pumping blood and let the mind do the actions.

Mind, stop yourself. Yes, do your actions and stop numbing yourself and don’t let that heart dude take over.

Life, you’re funny and cruel. I said that before, didn’t I? Well, it deserves a second mention.

You give hopes and dreams of a perfect future to someone who desperately needs it.

You let him feel he has it all.

You, then, take it all away, leaving him broke and shattered.

As he proceeds and self destructs, you watch sildently.

You don’t even lend him a shoulder to cry on.

You let him try and regain sense and just when he is about to, you play the funniest and the cruelest joke.

You make him, I mean, force him to destroy his own hopes and dreams and let the world watch as he portrays the villian.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Wasn’t it funny? Guess not.

But still. Ha! Ha! Ha!

So, you’re back.

Yours,

McVeggie Burger

I didn’t get one today.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

कोई नयी उमंग पनपी है कल,
कुछ नयी तरकीब और एक हलचल,
पर तू उन्हें लेकर बैठ गया है परेशान,
सोच रहा है कैसे करूँगा, आखिर हूँ एक इंसान,
हर बार यह डर की, अकर्म की, रस्म तो तोड़ो
करने की अब बारी है, तुम सोचना तो छोड़ो.
करने की अब बारी है, तुम सोचना तो छोड़ो.

उमंग के पंछी के पर तो निकलने दे,
तरकीब के लोहे को सांचे में तो ढलने दे,
अभी से क्यूँ पंछी को तू उड़ा रहा है,
सांचे की ताकत को अभी से क्यूँ आज़मा रहा है,
उसमें अभी कर्म का लोहा तो जोड़ो,
और उस बेचारे पंछी को दबोचना तो छोड़ो
करने की अब बारी है, तुम सोचना तो छोड़ो.

कब तक तू पुराने दर्द को दोबारा जीता रहेगा,
कब तक पुराने ज़ख्मों को आंसू से सीता रहेगा,
तू यह क्यूँ नहीं समझ रहा की वो दर्द अब बीत गया,
वह काल गया, वह सोच गयी, वो हार गयी और वो तेरा मीत गया,
वो साहिल तेरी गलती थी, पर दोबारा अपनी नाव तो मोड़ो,
ज़ख्म तेरे भर जायेंगे, बस उन्हें खरोचना तो छोड़ो.
करने की अब बारी है, तुम सोचना तो छोड़ो.

लोगों के शब्दों की तलवार से क्यूँ डरता है,
अनजानों के इस तुच्छ वार से क्यूँ मरता है,
वो आज ऊपर है, इसीलिए तुझे टोकता है,
पर तू अपने कोप में जा, खुदको ही रोकता है,
परेशां हो दुनिया से, तकदीर के पन्नों को नोचना तो छोड़ो,
तकदीर तेरी तेरे हाथ में है, बस उसे कोसना तो छोड़ो.
करने की अब बारी है, तुम सोचना तो छोड़ो.
करने की अब बारी है, तुम सोचना तो छोड़ो.

उन्ही राहों को ढूढ़ते, ना जाने मैं कहाँ बढ़ गया,
ना जाने कैसी तलब थी कि मैं हर पहाड़ चढ़ गया,
अँधेरे के पीछे भागते हुए, एक चिंगारी ही तो लगी थी पैर पर,
पर उसे नज़र अंदाज़ कर, मैं आग में सुलग गया

फिर लम्हों की राख ले कर, आगे मैं चलता रहा,
बीच में रुक, कुछ को चुन, दुबारा बुनता रहा,
पर राख के हर एक ज़र्रे में एक नयी आवाज़ थी,
वो आवाज़ गाती रही और मैं सुनता रहा

कितने दिन बीत गए, कितनी पहर ताक लिए
हर बार गुज़रे हुए वक़्त के आँगन में झाँक लिए
फिर पता चला वो तो अगले ही दिन चल पड़ा था
और मैं बैठे रहा, हाथ में राख लिए ||

So, I haven’t written anything for quite a while. Wait, thats not true, I have, but I haven’t published it. Anyways, so I really wanted to do something for quite a while now, and thus I decided to write something which will be fun.

That’s not true, I was just bored 30 minutes ago and decided to write things which will make people say “What?” or simply be baffled as they try to understand what it is I wrote. I thought I could do it to all the friends in my facebook, but I kinda got bored midway.

So, here were the rules I followed when posting messages on walls of my friends :-
1. The message should not make sense.
2. It however would be my exact rendering of the thought process, but only those parts will be written as I long as I think up a new sentence. Thus it is a combination of sentences that do make sense.
3. Don’t press backspace unless a typo is made.
4. Be recursive and use false facts.
5. Change rules when you need to except rule# 4 and 5.
6. Be epic and grand and try and follow quotations patterns which are common.
7. This isn’t a rule but thanks to Rule#2 it usually was about something I noticed in their wall page (profile picture, links, name, etc.)

So, I got up to around, 75 or so friends and… well, here is what I posted (Sentences get longer down the order >.<) :-

1. Jeans when not black are blue.

2. Let bygones be bygones.

3. Bear the bear.

4. Blossom, Buttercup, Bubbles.

5. Drive to the right, wait…. left. Wait… right. No, left.

6. Rather than that, we can go for that.

7. Don’t stop when stopping for going.

8. Missing people is only real as it is imaginary because people are sent to imaginary worlds if they aren’t real.

9. For every wrong there is a corresponding right. But for every right, there is a left. Thus we can say that for every wrong… wait…. left right.

10. Because of the demand of oil, oil is supplied and hence used but the fact is that it is less, thus, we should sell oil more, so that oil is sold.

11. Going up the mountain, and finding out it is high is so much cooler than going up the mountain and finding out it is high.

12. Because dragons exist, we can certainly say that dinosaurs were extinct at some point after which they evaporated but were then sent and sold.

13. Wearing white cloths is the subtle language of peace but wearing white cloths all the time is a subtle language of silence and giving up, thus, when giving up, wear white cloths.

14. If we go away into the world, then we have been away for too long.

15. Let us all join together and hope that world is better because if we don’t, then it would be better.

16. For the waters are only as real as the imaginary feeling of flowing.

17. Sometimes I think why checks are the best part of a human life, and then I see plaids and wonder whether I was wrong when we started off as a species.

18. For being away and being sitting is easier, but when away and sitting is tough because both are really same.

19. Once upon a time, I wrote a beautiful poem which was then published but later on rejected for it was such a beauty that it was sold off and then it was made into a song but I got no credit because I didn’t write it and there was no poem, but I swear it was beautiful.

20. For as long as I fly, it would only be so long as to touch the sky, but I don’t fly today.

21. Letting people come into your life is like closing a door and shutting it down, but letting people go out of your life is like closing a door and shutting it down.

22. Skulls and skeletons are necessarily the same thing because each are related to one another and thus, beautiful.

23. When we do decide to jump up and down the roof, we realize why we wear shirts.

24. When in doubt, we should refer to the dictionary because only it contains the methods of which language to use and when to use and why to use it.

25. For whenever we went away, I always used to thing we’ll be away, but then we don’t meet for years and I finally realize how beautifully we are away, and then, we are away for it is the true frailty of closeness.

26. Only true friends can realize when it is like to wake up in the morning and look at the sun wondering when it will rain.
27. Life has always been predictable but what it is going to do next, we do not know.

28. Blue skies are perhaps the most dangerous threat to humanity because they can make the world go round, as the oceans get jealous but they then realized how beautifully the world is connected and will ultimately scatter.

29. In the high alps of the snow, we find that the most amazing living creature is in fact a fish because it exists in a perfect symbiotic balance with the environment.

30. For when we are alone, we finally realize hat it is like to jump up and down the bed, but when we are together we finally realize what it is like to jump up and down the bed, but ultimately it is all about jumping up and down the sky.

31. Can we comprehend why the current state of affairs are as much as we look but is definitely not why we find what we expected?

32. Stopping the humanity from struggling would only make the coffee more cold and no one likes cold coffee unless they ordered one.

33. I am not doing this because I am supposed to but because life is always been what I was forced to do because it was all in my control and thus, we can always realize how beautiful coke really is when it is drunk with a straw but later on the bottle gets empty and the world needs more coke.

34. Forever and ever we look upon the amazing brilliance of stars and wonder what it is like to eat a choco dip pizza with gravel but hide under the beauty of life.

35. I do not know when we can finally complete our quest of studying but being honest, life has always been demystified very easily and thus our quest can never be complete.

36. When we ride towards the setting sun, we forget that we aren’t riding towards the setting sun, we are instead mammals who ride when we want to.

37. For everyone needs something, even a person who has it all, will never need something else.

38. Gamers and games are so interrelated that the beauty of it all is how both can coexist without disturbing the balance of the world and thus, is always the best way to preserve our society and nature.

39. Running around in a pair of shoes will always make you feel that you should have been barefoot but when you are actually barefoot you feel you want to eat a sandwich and have nine legs.

40. For everyone of us that is born, we find that none ever existed with the same characteristics as all the mass produced clones have the same gun and are in the same team but will always need to be contacted via mothership and thus it is so much trouble because sometimes everyone needs water.

41. Whenever we are eating, we should always try and tell it to the nearby country so that they can always sell the world what isn’t needed for it is what the economy has reduced to.

42. Liking something or someone can never prevent you to get it because as long as you are running, you have your shoes but when you stop you still have your shoes and thus is the runny nature of life.

43. Hello and welcome to the world as you are my friend but what we share is nothing as compared to the world upon which so many of us have existed and the taxes and laws which govern us now are all because animals and humans have a difference which is so subtle that humans are distinct from animals and thus are awesome.

44. The smiles and lies of people tell you more about them than the best of the black belts can ever say about why chewing gums are so popular when they don’t fill your stomach but are so sweet that you just want to always carry a suitcase to work.

45. We don’t try and find out why we do things because things get done automatically as if there is a magical hand which can never see the true labour as magic is not only done by Alladin it is also done by Genie and in fact he is the guy who is purple but we always know that red is the color of war.

46. Whenever you want brown things we should always be what the grey and black never were and that is being white when things aren’t white so we can always do things so they are pink.

47. Mobiles are always the greatest invention because the biggest step in humanity is to develop wheels so things get transported as the only thing that connects us is the internet.

48. When you stare at a wall for too long you realize it is not the wall you stare at but the uncomplete and insecure world which has suddenly been devastated of nuclear war because we ended the arms race so that science and peace can develop substantially.

49. When I find myself in a bit of a fix as to what to play, I always look down at the cup of coffee which is in a glass and then wonder why is it that black cats are so black but then again aren’t we all equal and the world is such a beautiful thing that we can always go to sleep.

50. Red is the only color which was always sent to people so that they can understand that black and blue and the beautiful malls are a result of the communist spirit that has shook the whole capitalist industry and revolutionized profit.

51. Darkness and smiles never go hand in hand for each exists without the other but the fact of the matter is that schools and colleges are so cool that education is now needed and we all should study together so that we can develop the world and make it mars.

52. Dogs have a special tendency of starting up a motorcycle and wondering why the people are sometimes bad to people who use air travel but after all it is all about finding the right pole and the right smell because air travel is fast and cars are red.

53. The only thing that remains to be taught to us humans is the fact that facts aren’t observed but are synthesized so that cotton is not used whereas it is the only thing that sweat can not beat in sweatshops of the world where iphones are not made and thus are so cheap and good quality smartphone.

54. When do we understand that colleges and studies are the only thing that will send us to mars and later on say that pluto is not a planet whereas everyone called dibs and no body got the nachos and coke was regular but not large and life is such.

55. Understanding the true nature of accounting we observe that not only the secret is hidden it is also carefully put out of our sight so that we cannot look and thus we baffled but it is only through proper understanding we can observe the true reality of why books are these days not heavy as paper quality has improved because recognition of earlier times where wars were fought without guns.

56. Whenever you realize that time is not on your side, you should always look at it again and see if the only thing that you want is given to you then you do not want it any longer and thus your want goes unfulfilled but all we want is to make the world a better place so we can move to mars.

57. Dances are the only thing which keep us in touch with our culture which is so diverse that it is one and is the thing which keeps us all together because as far as we know trains are always better than cars because more people can travel cheaply and oil is always wasted but ultimately it is about sitting in the bed and wondering why it all happened when it was supposed to happen yesterday.

58. Red and red are the only two things which differ as the rules of colors clearly states that not only can we induce the life out of someone we can also exorbitantly understand the true rain of knowledge is only artistic and thus immaterially important.

59. Whenever you stare at the ocean you are always forced to believe that not only water but air too is necessary for life and you forget that food is the only thing we need and it is all but inevitable that we will get it.

60. Zinc and carbon are the only two elements which have been proved by scientists to make sure that love is the only thing what is important but money makes the world go round and thus we realize that we should work hard and sleep all day.

61. When in wonder, as to which suit to wear, we should always choose the one which has been proven by humanity to ensure that cars are not driven fast as it results in accidents and thus made without cheese.

62. Sometimes and only always we realize that understanding of a subject has given us only half of what we needed to know and we don’t know the other half which is the realization that cheese in nachos is the only thing we need coke for.

63. For we have the best mouse in this universe which can now run at a speed of which is better than light as it is not possible to carry heavy things and thus making them useless for our purposes which is essentially to spread love and fun in the world while keeping most of it for ourselves.

64. Stealing from someone only makes you realize that not only you now have the thing but he also has the thing because cloning is now possible and attacking by lightsabers is the only logical thing to do when hungry and trying to watch a movie which was never released and created.

65. Meeting people is like shaving a foam cream with razor so that you have very thin hair and thus can not comb them but the fact remains that maybe people will understand that cities need to develop at a rate faster than they should develop.

66. Loving a country is like loving a chocolate when people will always wonder why the world has been away for so long and there is hardly any time to understand the true nature of yesterdays game which was cancelled due to rain and thus so beautifully amazingly touching the human soul.

67. Mumbai has taught be only thing that because I never went to mumbai it has always been close to me and made me realize that world has always needed a new coke but pepsi was there to meet the additional demand for a substitute when in reality books are always easier to read than on computers because computers don’t strain your eyes.

68. Smiles and teeth have only one thing in common that is the fact that sad people will always look at it and wonder at why t shirts are so common and fashion has always been the only beautiful thing and productively increasing the GDP when in reality all we need are fashionable clothes and that only will help our nation become what it was never meant to be.

69. Shoes and socks will always match but what matters is why don’t we try and understand that school life will never go but instead it is only there for a short time which shapes us and we are brittle for the rest of our lives and thus we can always be a rock which is never solid but love is all we need according to beatles.

70. Owning property will only give you possession when in fact what really matters is whether you have sold something so that the cycle of money continues and then you can contribute to the water supply of the nation so that the ecological and hemispherical structure of the atom is never found out because it is a secret.

71. Computers will only teach you one thing that is what is only letters are then later on sent because matters not what punishments you give it will always survive and that is the true spirit of friendship because life is not what is expected, it is what life is and thus we should study.

72. Laughing at peers will only reduce the seeds as the latests downloads are never what they are said unless released by a virus which has been contaminating the world for quite a while and we don’t know that apocalypse is actually going on as we continue to exist and in the end we all live happily ever after yesterday.

73. The red and blue lights in the traffic signal will soon be introduced because oceans demand more a say but the forests say that the sky is already blue because sunlight seems to be yellow and no matter what happens friendship and love and humanity and its struggles will be documented religiously on sand which will never get washed because we are too lazy.

74. Innovation has always been the frontier of humanity and thus always keeping us one step backwards from nature as we always forget that the only thing which keeps us going is the will to sit back and enjoy life rather than working really hard because what we need is work to be done and studies and friendship has always crossed the hurdles as we stare in a bright future together with no candles.

75. Being loved and loving people is the best thing which can happen because studies and scientific theory proves that not only we can land on the moon but we can also send people on the moon and moon is only dark when it is facing the other side and ultimately it is all about making sure life is real and friendship goes on because without it we are everything.

76. Books and cars and motorbikes will continue to spread love but keeping this and posting to your friends will ensure that ants get their say in the world because not only are they so many that if democracy is there dictatorship will never find its way and we all know we need everything to survive and thus help the environment.

Anyways, I went on writing them one after the other and it took less than an hour (very easy because making sense isn’t the goal).

If you were one of the guys (then your name starts with A, nice… :\), I am not sorry because ultimately fun is what boredom could never be and facebook is where you have added me thus it is not the most beautiful but better than google plus because google is always the better option as love and peace is what everyone wants without coke and nachos and cheese and suntan.

Till the time I find something for the next 75

As I blast my hopes away,
for the millionth time today,
I struggle in subtle desperation,
to find myself a way…

As I look up in the sky,
reminisce the time went by,
I feel incapacitated,
Now, I just want to fly…

As I brush away my tears,
Those experiences of the years,
I look beyond the camouflage,
and stare at my fears…

As I lie to myself again,
My heart whispers to my brain,
A culpable felony when it says,
“There would be no pain”…

As I look at everything grey,
I’m lost but, still halfway,
The journey is now sabotaged,
and I got nothing else to say.

[Previously in this series - When World Disappears]

It all started when I was 7. Mr Omar, he was the first. He owned a grocery store near my house, a big one at that. I wasn’t allowed to go to the store on my own because of the traffic. People do drive crazy.

So, I used to go there with my brother. We used to decide which chocolates to buy. Sometimes, he even told me hide some in my pockets. “But that is stealing!” the voice inside me screamed. I told my brother I will never steal. He just smiled and disappeared.

Omar’s house was above his grocery store, a common practice in India. Omar, our common family man Indian, was perfectly normal in every aspect of his life. He was around 45 years of age at that time. A strip of his hair was turning grey. Those big hairy arms always made me imagine the ease by which he arranged those huge tin canisters around his shop. His eyes showed… experience. He talked to his customers charmingly, and everyone liked him. I liked him too.
But this Omar is just one side of the coin. One summer evening, I went to his shop with my brother, to find it unattended. He told me to go and check at his house upstairs to see if anyone is there. I thought that was a reasonable thing to do because an unmanned shop would encourage stealing. I was… naïve.
I went upstairs, carefully stepping on those big cement stairs, hoping I’d not fall. The waiting room wasn’t lit. My brother, who was behind me, knocked his legs on one of the old wooden chairs kept at a corner. Thankfully, it didn’t make much noise.
But someone else did. We heard a painful scream from inside the house. We both got scared. But my brother had this malevolent smile, which scared me more. The screams continued. It was a woman. My brother egged me to go inside and look for ourselves. I wanted to see it too so that we can help whoever is hurt.
Holding our breath, we walked. I still remember those careful steps around the house. Stealth. It was I who peeked inside the door first. My brother seemed to already know what was happening. I placed my eyes on the keyhole.

What I saw bewildered me. I couldn’t comprehend it. It was Omar, beating his wife up. Smashing her head against the mirror repeatedly, he told her to shut her mouth or else neighbours will come. “You woman!” he shouted as he slapped her on her right cheek. The blow cut her lip and it spurted blood on the floor. The mirror had thin streams of blood flowing downwards from the point of impact.
Her screaming continued as my brother pulled me back. He took my arm and pulled me towards the stairs “We have to leave, now!”
“But, shouldn’t we help her?” I retorted.
“We aren’t ready yet.”
With that I was dragged down the big cement stairs and towards our home.
“Why didn’t we call the police?” I asked my brother.
“They won’t do anything”, he said.
Even at that age, I knew he was right.
“Why was he beating her though?” I asked.
“We’ll find that out together. But don’t say a word to anyone.” He replied.

I was always good at keeping secrets. It is easy when there is no one around to ask them.
That night in bed, I tried to think of the possible reasons and justifications for Omar to do that. After all, we each have our own form of justice. He may be right in beating her, or dead wrong. Without proof, we shouldn’t come to a judgement.

But gathering proof was easy. A little innocent remark to children near the street, and they would spill all stories they know. They told us this has been going for many years and it has something to do with Omar’s wife’s father not leaving anything to Omar’s family in his will.
People would to go extreme lengths to express their disagreement. We had proof.

“What do we do now?” I asked my brother eagerly “Do we tell our parents?”
“They will not be able to do anything. We should forget this incident.” He calmly replied.
“Forget it? Why?” I asked flabbergasted.
“It would be easy that way. We have to wait a long time.” He replied and disappeared again.

I had vowed to listen to my brother. So, I wasn’t going to do anything against his wishes. But I never forgot.
I still went to Omar’s shop for chocolates with my brother. But now his hairy hands reminded me of the beating his wife got.
Well, at least the chocolate was tasty.

Seven years passed since that incident. I was going to turn 14 soon and my brother said he had a surprise gift for me.
He took me outside Omar’s shop and asked “Remember what he did?”
How could I have forgotten it? “Yes. I do.” I replied.
“It is time to give him what he deserves”, he said with a smile.
I had seen that smile before. “Agreed”, I replied.

We both knew what had to be done. We came back to the shop at night. No one was in the shop. I shouted “Uncle Omar! Are you there?”
He hurriedly came down the stairs with his hand holding his big paunch. Ah… the troubles of old age. I asked him how he was doing and got the perfect charming answer. His skills were the same. But mine had changed. I asked him for some gloves.
“Gloves in the middle of summer?” he asked. But smiled and searched a canister for one. “Sorry, I don’t have any.”
“Oh well… that’s okay.” I replied. I slowly pushed his candy jar off the counter. It fell and the candy got scattered all over the floor.
“I am so sorry Uncle. I’ll help you with that.” I apologized.
He looked at me with annoyance but didn’t shout “No, it’s okay. I’ll do it.”
But, I didn’t listen; I came to the other side of the counter, picked up two little plastic carry bags and picked candy.
“So Uncle… tomorrow is my birthday. Guess what my brother is gifting me?” I asked while wrapping the plastic bags around my hand.
“You have a brother?” he asked.
I went behind him and with sudden dexterity I placed my hands around his neck and started strangling him.
“Of course I have a brother. We know why you beat your wife Omar.” I said, enjoying every minute of his struggle. His big hands trying to catch hold of my face. His eyes, wide in disbelief, perplexed as to what is happening to him.
Of course, I knew what was happening to him. I was squeezing his carotid arteries, restricting blood flow to the brain. In a few seconds he would be unconscious and after that… calmness. I savoured every moment of it. He was trying to say “No” in his last moments. But the answer was “Yes”.
Soon his strength gave away and he went lump.
“Good work brother”, congratulated my brother.
“Thanks for the gift”, I said. Still looking at his neck, the red marks… not many could have noticed the beautiful calmness behind the face that showed terror right now.
I left him there. We didn’t know what to do with him. While returning home, we threw the plastic bags in a drain nearby.
Next morning, his wife discovered the body, called the police. Of course they didn’t find out anything. But the neighbourhood was surprised. “Who would kill such a good man” was the whispered talk.

Even his wife was crying. Ah… love. It is such a complex emotion. It is a bittersweet symphony of memories.
If I told this to my love right now, she’d probably tell me to stay away from her and her family for I am the worst person ever. She’d probably tell me that being with me was hell come true. It probably was.

Well, I was 15 at that time. I have improved a lot since then. But there is this something which I haven’t told you from that night, something important. I ate a chocolate cake that day, and it was delicious.

[The post contains a lot of grammatical errors but I have chosen to keep it as it is. It would serve as a reminder of the benefits of proofreading and not publishing immediately.

Thanks so much to Koustabh Sarkar for always being there as a professional proofreader. ^_^ ]

I cannot avoid this anymore. This… isn’t easy. I am putting up a part of myself for public scrutiny. But, I have to do this. He would have wanted me to. He, my older brother, taught me how to live, shared every moment with me and held my hand through tough times. The problem in this fairy tale is – he is imaginary.

I have been alone for as long as I can remember. Perhaps it was the reason why I turned out to be this way. I cannot know for sure. But, whatever I am, I am. I had to decide what to make of myself and I chose a normal life.

No, that would be a wrong way to describe it. What I chose, was not a normal life. It was a spectacular life, with abundant adrenalin gushing through your body in each moment, perfect Hollywood style scenes and a thrilling experience every day, at the end of which, the hero always wins. Always, I am the hero. That is what I chose for me.

I didn’t know back then that it is not possible. If I can follow the advice of an imaginary brother, I can make my world as I want to. I created problems, I solved them, and I became the hero. It is simple really. After all, we create our own reality.

I found her too. I told her she was special and if she is with me, I can do anything. Of course, she doesn’t believe it now, and hates me for it but, I was telling the truth. In my reality, she was the prize. I got her too.

And that is when things changed. I wasn’t satisfied. I got addicted to being the hero and saving the day. Always looking for reasons to fight with her, create problems, so I can solve them. My expectations from her were different too.
I wanted her to be as crazy as I was. But, she was normal. She never had imaginary brothers or dreamt of creating new ways to save the world. She was normal. But she was also the core of my world. Everything I did was for her. I guess this is what happens when after 22 years of loneliness, you find someone who just makes you go crazy… or in my case, normal. I guess I wanted that from her too. I wanted to be “everything”.
That is where things went wrong.

I wish I could tell her how sorry I was. I have already told her that though, but she doesn’t believe me anymore. I don’t blame her for that either. She’s angry and she has no one to take it out on. After all, nobody knows about us, except of course us. So, she takes it out on me.

Night before last, she told me to “be in your limits”. I wish I could have explained to her that the whole problem was that I never wanted any limits to begin with. I wanted her and me to forget the world and create our own. Hmm… talk about wishful thinking.

The harsh reality of life is, and a pretty obvious one too, that your actions have consequences. My actions changed her. It changed her against her wishes and it also changed what she felt for me. After all, I am a persuasive creature. I wanted us to live life so that it is the… dream.

The problem with dreams is… they are created by individuals, not couples. So, the dreams, rarely had her perspective towards life, always mine and I kept pushing her towards it.
It wasn’t easy for her, but she did that, all for me. But, I wanted more.
I wish I could change that, but… life has rules. One of them forbids you to change your past. Too bad, I can’t break that.

So, what options do I have left? Say sorry to her, hoping she’d understand? She wouldn’t. Not for a long time. I don’t blame her either. If I was in her place, my anger would have stayed probably forever. It is safe to assume hers would too. But of course, when she is calm, and choses to release me from the cage in her head, she’ll see that she was my world. I really meant what I had said. We were special and life like the dream would have been perfect.

Somehow, I think she is thinking something which involves “Bullshit!” right now. Well, the key words in the previous line are “right now”. She’ll know it was true, someday.

But, let us get back to me. Me, me, me, me, me, me and me. What do I do? Do I get back to where I was? Square one or do I keep on going. But, where would I go? I can’t live the dream alone. There would be no point to it.
Do I convince her to come back? I shouldn’t do that. After all is said and done, all I ever wanted was her happiness. And there is no denying the fact that she is… very happy that I am no longer a part of her life. I hope it stays that way too. Her happiness I mean. I just wish I could have been the reason for it. Well, I already am, but in a negative way. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for many things. It doesn’t matter now. I blew it up. I had the chance to make my life wonderful and I blew it. Of course, our lovely god won’t be kind enough to give me a second chance. No, he won’t.

Where do I go? What do I do? What do I want in my life?
I guess those are the questions that come up when your world just… disappears. I hope someday she’ll realize that I really love her. I really did and I really do.

I got so many problems now. She’s gone, my world has disappeared and I can’t get anything back. Not to mention there is a pool of blood under my shoes. Oh right, my new shoes. Guess, I will have to clean them soon. Well, I have to go now. Back to work. But, she was world.

She was the best. I’ll never forget her fragrance, her smile, the way she told me she’ll always be there for me, those promises, the times we held each other, the stupid things we did for each other, the silly fights, the laughs, the friendship, the love, families, and well… connection. I’d kill for a second chance. I wish there was some way, I could wipe it all out and just… do things the right way with her. But, she is happy now. I wish I could have made it so that she was happy with me. Maybe next life, maybe this, maybe the life after that, someday we’ll be together and I will not screw it up. We’ll live the dream – not my dream, our dream and it will be… wonderful, even if it is normal. It will be wonderful.

I have to go back to work now. But there is this something I haven’t told you that is important. I just never saw it. In fact I choose not to see it. I guess that is why I couldn’t control anything and both me and my brother know what a control freak I am. After all, she was like my brother. She too was – imaginary.

Now, to clean my shoes…