I used to be a pretty ungrateful boy. Although I appreciated the acts of others, I never used to express my gratitude in words. I thought saying “Thank you” was pointless and the best way to thank someone would be through my actions.

It appears to be a noble thought, but it is not because of a simple reason – life is… unpredictable. What brought about this change? How did this epiphany dawn on me? There’s a story behind it.

A few months back, maybe quite a few, I do not remember, a school teacher of mine who taught English, Mr. B. B. Singh passed away. I hadn’t studied much from him except summer classes one year, but he was an influence during my school life. Everyone in my school knew him and respected him. Truth is that after the summer classes, which I took when I was in 8th, I think, I resolved to myself that I’d study English from him one day.

But, the pressure of board exams and school routine didn’t make it possible. Then, I decided to do CA. Now, explaining that decision would take a post on its own, but let’s just skip to the crux right now – I joined Om Classes for CPT. There, I met Mr. Anshuman Singh, who is the son of Mr. B. B. Singh and taught Economics.

I used to be a lazy student and getting up to go to CPT classes was something I avoided. Thus, I skipped many classes. But one class I always tried to go to was of Anshuman Sir’s and not because I was weak in Economics, it was because he taught us not only how economics applies in the world but also taught us things which were important to us as individuals, not just as Chartered Accountants.

For instance, it is through him that I rediscovered Orwell (I had read Animal Farm before, or was it 1984? Again my memory falters me) and I read almost all works of Orwell before coming to classes. I used to debate with him about socialism and other government forms. He shared his experiences with socialism telling us how he believed in it when he was in college.

Even then, I knew I have to learn more from Anshuman Sir and English from B. B. Singh sir. But CPT went away and then came the pressure of clearing IPCC and I think I had given the exams and waiting for the result, not sure though and it was during this period when I heard about Mr. B. B. Singh sir’s demise.

I still remember I had just woken up and was about to brush my teeth when mom told me about it. Now, even though I wasn’t close to Mr. B. B. Singh, I was shattered. My… wish of learning from him was now lost forever. I had the wish for almost seven years, but due to some reason or the other, it remained a wish. I attended his funeral, the first funeral I ever attended and was too sad to talk about it. I saw Anshuman sir there, but I never said anything. I thought, I’ll write all this down one day and post it on my blog. But that day didn’t come either, until now.

Why do I write all this now?

Is it because I lost the chance to learn or is it because I lost the chance to express my gratitude? Express how truly thankful I was for all the things they taught me.

So, this is what I want to do today. I want to thank not only B. B. Singh sir and Anshuman Sir but all the other teachers who have helped me find my way.

One “Sir” stands out though, one “Sir” who has always been there in all of my achievements and all of my defeats, one “Sir” whose name will always be a part of mine. That “Sir” is my dad – Rakesh Madan.

“Sir ka beta” – Countless number of times has this phrase been used to refer to me. See the problem with being from a lofty lineage is that you are or will inevitably be compared to you predecessors. So, as a student even my little mistake used to be blown out of proportion. But, I got to learn a lot from it. I was cautious and learnt to cover my tracks pretty well. This was of course in junior years in school, where the mistakes ranged from drinking too much water to breaking your neighbor’s pencil, from talking during class to not completing the homework.

But as I grew up, I saw the range of mistakes I could make expand. They now included getting low marks, indiscipline, not being focused, etc. which are problems which every student might face but… they were compounded when it comes to me.

This was all up to the point I decided to do CA. The range of mistakes I could make after this point exploded. I knew this before I was getting into it, so it wasn’t a surprise. I would be compared to him, each action of mine would have repercussions and of course, the “Sir ka Beta” syndrome would now surround me everywhere I go.

But like any other situation, everything has its Pros and Cons. I’ve just highlight the cons so far. Let’s talk a bit about the pros –

Oooh! I get to learn a lot. My dad is the most rational man I know in Jabalpur and this means, I can discuss anything with him. From atheism to capital punishment to democracy to economic equilibrium to tax laws to politics to CA exams to classes to fashion to computers to internet to anonymity, I have discussed many topics with my dad. Every time I get to learn something new or some crazy idea pops up in my head, within a day or two I discuss it with my dad.

You may be wondering what is so special about this. I mean, most children do discuss things with their dad, but what’s so special about my discussion?

It’s the rationality. See, most of the times, I am certain Dad is going to have a different point of view over a thing, but what he does is that he listens to my point without any prejudice and I do the same. This results in all the points getting heard. Plus, since he is a teacher, he has a thorough understanding of students which coupled with the fact that he knows me in and out becomes a priceless asset when it comes to discussing things.

The other thing is… expectations. Everyone expects me to score brilliantly and excel in everything, but that is usually far from what I expect from myself. Although these expectations act as a challenge and thus motivate me to work harder, they sometimes act as a deterrent and I get the infamous cold feet right before the moment. It is during these moments when I get cold feet; Dad gives me the required push.

Instance – CPT exam.

The first part of the exam was over and there was a 30 minute break. During the break this was my conversation with Dad.

Me – “Dad lets go home. CA isn’t for me. Accounts and Law went fine, but I won’t do well in Maths and Economics.”

Dad – “Don’t talk like this. Just give it! You already know Economics well. Even if you don’t get good marks in Maths, you’ll pass easily.”

Me – “What if I don’t? What if I fail? I don’t want that. CA isn’t for me.”

Dad – “If you fail, how is that different from quitting now? You’d still fail.”

Me – “Fine”

Thankfully, I gave the paper and I passed. This habit of chickening out at the last moment, these cold feet, is something I’m combating since Class 10th or 11th.

Instance – IPCC exam.

I was telling Dad how I should not give second group considering that I haven’t taken any proper coaching for Advanced Accountancy and my Auditing is weak and I haven’t even touched Strategic Management yet.

He somehow convinced me to appear in the second group and not only I passed both the groups but the highest I got in any subject was Advanced Accountancy.

The same thing happened in Mathematics exam of Class 12, the quiz competition last year and the most recent Indore conference (which I still have to write about). Dad has always been there to give me the push when I needed it the most, without which I would have been backing out.

But the biggest contribution Dad did to my life was providing me with everything! I really cannot stress on this enough. I still remember the time in Class 9th when I was angry at him for not buying me a bike since most of my classmates had one but it was only when I turned 18 I understood why exactly didn’t he buy me one. It would have been a mistake. Thank god he didn’t give in to my childish demands then.

He gave me my first computer at the exact age I needed it the most. I have never have had to squabble over a cell phone or new headphones or whatever. He’s always given me the freedom and I have never really said thanks to him for it. So, I guess this is when I say it, Thank you Dad!

Life is… unpredictable. We started with this. Just because I have the luxuries which my Dad provides me with, does not mean that he had it too. He had to struggle through most of his life and this struggle has made him the man he is today. I can relate to some parts of the struggle, but some are just alien for it was a different time, it was a different India back then. It’s just luck that I have the luxuries and he didn’t.

One thing which he always teaches me and it is quite ironic that that one thing is where I lack the most. He tells me to always keep moving forward. No matter how bad the experience, no matter how good the experience, just learn something from it and go on.

This used to be a shock to me. I always get held up on experiences. If I lose something, I’ll waste two days mourning over it. I have yet to learn the skill of always moving on – learn and move on.

He also had to fit in his father’s shoes, as my grandfather was a Chartered Accountant too (and a great one at that) and so he can relate to the pressure I feel.

But I know where I lack, where I falter; the only thing what I do not do is try and overcome them. This, this post, is my attempt at that – accepting, learning and moving on.

When I joined the office, I never got special treatment and I worked hard, the first 3-4 months at least. But, then after that, the fire of working dimmed because of the fact that my peers had this “Yeh to Sir ka beta hai. Isko koi kya kahega?” outlook. This made me angry, for no matter how hard I worked, everything was sidetracked and the peers focused on the sole issue that because I am “Sir ka Beta”, nothing can happen to me.

So, even if I stayed up till 2-3 AM in the office, everything would be sidetracked because I came to office thirty minutes late at 11:30 AM. I’d get to hear “Tum to kabhi bhi aao, usmein kya hai” This irrationality towards judging my performance was something I just couldn’t accept and couple this with the introspection I had been doing and some other events made me almost quit CA. I lagged up on the office work and then took a leave.

Then the Indore conference came and it catalyzed this whole change in me. I, now, have made peace with the fact that some people will always correlate my performance with me being a Chartered Accountant’s son. The truth may be far from that, but of course, it would be pointless trying to argue and explain my position to them. For, they go by the stereotypes they have created in their mind; hence, their aggression is not personal. It just is… random.

Now, I can either sulk in my room and quit CA eventually or I can go out there tomorrow, do the best I can and make a name for myself. No matter what I choose, the aggression won’t stop. Thus, it is better to go for the latter and have fun.

Tomorrow is my last day as a teenager and then I enter my third decade of existence, something which would, in all probability, shape the rest of my life. So, before I step into my 20s, I want to thank my Dad (and my mom too, but hey, you deserve a post of your own) for everything he has done for me for the last 20 years

From buying me toys to buying me… bigger toys , from his benign lessons to being there as a role model, thank you Dad, I wouldn’t have been anything without you.

So, from now on, I won’t keep my gratitude inside. If I like something, I’ll say it. If I want to thank you for something, I’ll say it for I don’t want to miss up on the opportunity. After all, who knows what the future has in store for us?

So the best possible course of action is of Carpe Diem – Seize the day. Do the best you can with what you have ^_^

So, you think articleship is easy for me because I am “Sir ka Beta” – Go ahead, think that. I shouldn’t waste time to argue or explain it to you why it isn’t. I should use that time to learn from him, for it is a great opportunity to imbibe those characteristics from him which have made him successful in all aspects of his life, it is a time to watch him interact and tackle various situations in professional life and there is no reason why I should give up on such a valuable learning experience.

I am going to learn and there is nothing that can stop me from it. Carpe Diem!